Let me just preface this with saying that I know Lyla could be much worse off than she is, or not even with us anymore--I am so grateful for how amazing she is doing and for the way that God has been working in her little body and in our lives. I am truly so thankful.
I thought I was okay with yesterday's news. But, you know, I'm realizing that I'm not totally okay with it. We just had such high hopes that everything would be solved by Lyla's surgery...but it wasn't. Why does there always have to be something wrong? Why can't Lyla have just one day without a struggle of some kind? What it comes down to is that it is just hard to truly come to grips with the fact that this isn't something that's just going to go away. It's hard and it's going to continue to be hard. Lyla may never really be healthy. I guess you just kind of think in the back of your head that everything's going to work out--like water off a duck's back. And then you realize it's not just going to work out. There is no straightforward solution. That's hard to swallow and it sucks. It may always be a struggle. Granted, some days are better than others. But there may always be a struggle--life will never be as carefree as it once was. It's not like a movie or a TV show where everything turns out okay in the end. Life isn't that way. Like my wise friend once said--life is wonderful and beautiful and amazing, but it is also hard.
So there's my rant. If you made it to the end I'm impressed. Thanks for reading.
Jenny
I honestly can't imagine having to live through what you guys are. Children are just so innocent and to watch them suffer is excruciating! I am suprised you don't rant more! I was telling Sarah the other day that I don't know how you do it. You are an example to all of us! We will keep you all in our prayers. Lyla has become very precious to us too!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the encouraging words Hannah. I do keep up-to-date on your sweet family too! We are praying for your little Emily.
ReplyDeleteI cannot image what you and Joel have endured. Both the joy of being the given the gift of a child, and the fear of what each month, each week, each day might bring for her. I read your post yesterday and have thought about you all evening last night and this morning. I don't know if this helps at all, but I love the author Max Lucado. I read an email from his website this morning. I thought I'd post it for you to read. Know that Lyla (and you) are being prayed for. And I know that you know Lyla is held by the hands of the Father. Her body is frail, but she is exactly the way He planned - beautiful, wonderful, and part of His plan. She has had a huge impact on many. It seems not fair that she suffers in ways other kids her age typically do not. But God promises to have a future and a hope for hope for Lyla.
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Endure
by Max Lucado
If you live in a world darkened by sin, you may be its victim.
Jesus is honest about the life we are called to lead. There is no guarantee that just because we belong to him we will go unscathed. No promise is found in Scripture that says when you follow the king you are exempt from battle. No, often just the opposite is the case.
How do we survive the battle? How do we endure the fray?
Jesus says: "Those people who keep their faith until the end will be saved" (Matthew 24:13 NCV).
He doesn't say if you succeed you will be saved. Or if you come out on top you will be saved. He says if you endure.
From Fear Not Promise Book
Originally printed in And the Angels Were Silent
Hey Jen--thanks for the comment and the Max Lucado piece. You know, smetimes all you feel like you're doing is enduring. I'm sure you know the feeling too. But God blesses in the enduring. He knows how we're feeling and understands. That's amazing. Thanks for the encouragement and understanding and prayers. You and yours are in our prayers too--miss seeing you at Life group! Love, Jenny
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